Tuesday, August 22, 2006

tuesday: the new monday

an interesting thing about the fall of the soviet union. when the baltic states broke away and then ukraine declared independence and eventually the CIS kinda faded as a world entity, suddenly, the hammer and sickle were no longer the official crest of the largest military in the world. i can only imagine what chaos must have ensued when all of a sudden, the official state stationary across two thirds of a continent had to be changed. besides just that logistical nightmare, another by product of the soviet collapse was that all of the soldiers, sailors and airmen of all these new states had to get new uniforms with new flags and new emblems. as the russian nuclear fleet rotted away at ports in the arctic, while organized crime grew bold in the power vacuum and the newly made oligarchs grew rich from government holdings acquired during the great grab, there was at least one silver lining to be found… u know, besides the fall of the evil empire and the rise of democracy in eastern europe and all that stuff. much to the delight of all us anti-establishment western types, suddenly, there was a glut of surplus soviet military uniforms and emblems to be found in flea markets across europe. you could go to any major city in germany while i was there and get everything from lenin lapel pins to fur bolchevik hats for pretty cheap prices.

my first semester in germany, even though i was rocking the marine corps high-and-tight hairstyle, i was still pushing the pop-punk, west phoenix skater sagging pants esthetic in my choice of dress. i had one of those 70’s style nylon belts with the sliding bar in the buckle and no belt holes that routinely failed to keep my pants from sliding off my ass, so when i went to visit roland in bremen, i picked up this thing.


russian belt v1.0

i wore that belt every day for the next 3 years or so, before i eventually let the poor frayed thing rest. i then moved on to the pyramid belt for the express purpose of destroying the bottom-back side of all my t-shirts by rubbing them between the belt and my backpack. mission accomplished. worked like a charm. i’m so proud, i just keep buying more t-shirts…

a few posts ago, i mentioned the recent arrival of anton and alexey in seattle. actually they’re just a couple of guys in a platoon of russian engineers that rotate thru our office every three months or so, as i believe that may be the max length boeing can get visas for them. or they just want to see their families, i’m not sure which. at any rate, these guys usually bring stacks of russian chocolate bars of all types as gifts when they come over. (i’m not entirely certain why that is actually. i guess we americans think that next to nestle’s, any european chocolate seems exotic). this time though, when anton asked me if i wanted him to bring anything over for me, i asked him to pick me up a new soviet army belt instead. i didnt really expect it would be something he would have time to look for, but lo and behold, the other day he showed up with this thing.


russian belt v2.0

i probably should have done a side-by-side photo for comparison here. maybe later. i should say this though. the pyramid belt is cool and all, but this is the kind of belt that could convince me to start tucking in my shirt (something i have sworn never to do). it’s like a big texas style cowboy beltbuckle, except instead of being a lonestar cowboy, i’d be a redstar cowboy. now all i need is a straw cowboy hat and a shirt with pearl buttons. oh and boots. and really tight boot cut jeans.

when i showed it to d, she asked why we didnt get any russian chocolate.

actually the funny thing is, both anton and alexey told me in different, unrelated conversations that this belt could also double as a weapon. when i kinda laughed and asked if that was something they taught in the army there that it was designed for that purpose, they both said, “no, we’ve seen it. police take these to soccer matches to beat down crowds.”


i could see it being a useful weapon, except for one thing. the buckle doesnt like to stay on very well. the first time you swing it, the damn thing is likely to go flying off and tag somebody else than the one you were whipping in the first place. that’s only gonna work once…

ahhhh, democracy! still, to be fair, it’s these things are hella cheaper than say, tear gas and tasers. and if russian soccer fans are anything like the ones in germany and england, well, then that kind of force might be expected by the charging spectators. hell, they might be disappointed if it were otherwise.

i said i’d update monday. i just didnt say what time. this is actually all just speculation on my part about the glut of surplus military gear. i’m sure alex will call bullshit on it for me.

Posted by sand at 06:37:59 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

set ‘em up. knock ‘em down.

german word for the day: die Kupplung
translation: the clutch

i have a lot of people to thank for where i am today. relatives. friends. bastards in high places. folks both domestic and abroad. but today, i have a special shout going out to my man, bill swanson jr. he taught me a lot of things over the years. he taught me how to live. he taught me how to love. he taught me how to scare the crap out of a 10 year old girl by threatening beat the snot out of her with her own barbie doll… he also taught me how to rpm shift a manual transmission without disengaging the clutch. a fun little trick, which i enjoyed practicing occationally on the drive home, but which i never really thought there was that much practical application for. in theory, if you ever lost your clutch disengagement, you could use this technique to up shift and down shift while driving. but i always wondered: what do you do to get the car moving from a complete stop. well… yesterday i found out.

while driving to the gym from work before going to class, i suddenly lost pressure in the clutch pedal. i had no idea what that meant really. i hadnt thought about it too much before, but i knew that the clutch was going bad again and i figured it had something to do with that. but since i could still get it to dissengage at the very end of travel, about a quarter inch off the floor, i decided to get on the freeway after working out and head to class anyways. now, this is where the bad decision making comes into play. as i’m driving on the surface streets to get to the freeway and on to the onramp, the problem was just getting worse. it was getting more difficult to shift and there was virtually no play in the clutch at all. i was thinking to myself, man, i should just go home and forget class. i REALLY dont want to be the guy who breaks down on the freeway and blocks traffic in seattle. but as i came to the offramp to merge with I-90, i turned right anyways and headed to on bellevue. after i lost any capability what-so-ever to dissengage the clutch, at some point it dawned on me to start rpm shifting, which got me thru 3 freeway merges, but when i got off at the exit i hit a red light. uh oh… when it turned green, i was screwed. i pushed the clutch pedal thru the floor and yanked as hard as i could on the shift lever but could not get the damn thing to slide into gear. lucky for me, there was just enough of a downhill slope to get the car moving a little bit and let me pop it into first and pull thru the intersection. as soon as i got thru the left hand turn, and after getting cut off from the gas station, i pulled into the 1st parking lot i saw.


dramatic reenactment. photos courtesy of mr. AP2 who helped take them at lunch for me.

the entire time i was driving over, i was thinking about what could possibly be wrong down there. obviously it was still coupling, so there was nothing wrong with the clutch itself. could the lever somehow have broke, or i dunno… slipped? could the slave cylinder somehow have slipped off the linkage?? did i blow the one of the cylinders??? waitaminute…


waitaforkinminute…

at this point, i should mention another thing about bill. bill is also the guy who showed me where the clutch fluid resevoir is on the FC. until we started working under the hood of that car, i had always assumed the clutch was disengaged by a purely mechanical linkage to the clutch pedal. and i didnt really grasp the entire concept of the master and slave cylinders until aaron and i changed the clutch back in… what? october?


eureka! i just realized i’m pointing at the brakefluid resevoir in this picture. oops!

well this time, when i popped the hood, i looked at the clutch fluid resevoir and lo and behold… it was dry. how the fuck did THAT happen? cheryl gave me crap for letting it run down when i finally got to class, but the truth is, it never even occured to me check it. i mean, i have NEVER had this problem with any of my other vehicles. these are supposed to be closed, contained systems that dont need recharging. and it’s not like there’s an idiot light inside that tells u when it’s low either. an interesting thing about the FC is, when the brake fluid gets low, the e-brake light stays on. i know this, because apparently the brake system has a pinhole leak in it somewhere as well, and this happens every 3 months or so. which in this case is actually a blessing in disguise. i keep a bottle of DOT 3 brake fluid in the car just in case to top it off, which also happens to be the same fluid i needed for the clutch. the evening (and the tow bill) was saved!


veni. vidi. vici. where did i go to school? U-C-L-…

meanwhile…

i think i’ve mentioned this before, but generally, danielle and i carpool to work. on mondays though i have class and d has tennis, so we have to drive seperately. last year when i had class on thursday nights, i would drive the subaru, pick up cheryl at work downtown and she and i would carpool to bellevue and then after class, i would drive her and alex, who rode the bus over in the morning, back to the west side.

since then however, d now refuses to drive the FC anywhere. in fact, she refuses to RIDE in it anywhere anymore either, especially now that the race car novelty has worn off and more things have started to break. she’s embarrased by the loud exhaust and, well, thinks that just a LITTLE CREAKING coming from the front linkages is unsafe or something. bah. anyways, the result of this is that i have to drive a two seater to bellevue on mondays which means that our days of 3 person carpooling back from class have come to an end. now, instead of driving the nice, 4-cylinder relatively fuel efficient wagon to class, i drive my premium gas-guzzling turbo rotary TII and cheryl drives her regular gas-guzzling V8 cougar. alex however remains the beneficiary of our green guilt and gets to chose his ride back to seattle every week.

needless to say, yesterday he chose to forgo my offer of a lesson in hydraulic force transmission and instead decided to ride home with cheryl in the car with the automatic tranny and the intrinsic promise of no clutch failure. so i said to him, “gonna go for the viscous coupling over the friction coupling tonight, eh?” his response went something like this…

“why do u say that?” he asked.

“the automatic transmission. u know, it’s viscous because it has the torque converter instead of a clutch,” i answered.

“oh,” he said, “i just wanted to make sure u didnt think i had a thing for cheryl.”

“huh?” i said.

“u know. i’m not riding with her tonight just to get some viscous coupling.”

which just goes to show that while alex’s russian accent may make him difficult to understand on a cell phone, he certainly has a uber-fluent, native speaker grasp of the nuances of the english language. cheryl for her part said she was offended that we would suggest she had anything BUT a viscous coupling. of course, for my part, i can certainly understand that choice. i prefer a viscous coupling over a friction coupling anytime. especially when it’s a guy offering the friction coupling.

i toyed with the idea of telling him about the idea of a wet clutch like most motorcycles have, which is bascially a lubricated friction coupling, but decided against it on the grounds that it would have seemed like a forced continuation of the joke. this was confirmed later after i related the story to danielle and matt when i got home and didnt get so much as a grin out of that part.


viscous coupling? or wet clutch? chose wisely.

incidentally, i hear that the lubricated friction coupling is george’s favorite kind ;)

chocolate milk MY ASS mr sexyarmo!  and no, that’s not an invitation.

Posted by sand at 08:08:56 | Permalink | Comments (11)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

bubble tea again

i’ve had asthma since i was 4 years old. i vividly remember my first attack, running throught the house, unable to breath, heaving my lungs, thinking i was gonna die, and crying my eyes out calling for help from mom and dad while case ran behind me wondering what was wrong. i went through life with an inhaler in my pocket until, two years ago at the behest of my mother, i finally went and got tested for allergies.


and this is more or less what it looks like

the way an allergy test works is, the medical assistant chooses a patch of smooth, bare skin (in my case, they did it on my right forearm, but sometimes they do it on your back). then he or she draws a grid on your arm, dips needles in various allergen solutions (molds, pollens, animal danders, etc) and pricks the skin just below the epidermis with a different allergen in each square. hence the name “prick test.” the idea is, not to go too deep into the tissue where the concentrated allergens can get into the blood stream and give a systemic reaction. after they finish, you just sit there for a while and wait to go into anaphylactic shock. half an hour later, they come back and check on your sniffling ass and assess your allergies based on which squares have developed bumps and how big they’ve gotten. well, after about 15 minutes, every single box in the two row grid on my arm had a bump the size of a penny. i swear to god, they looked like nipples on a hog. when the nurse came back in, she exclaimed, “oh wow! you’re allergic to EVERYTHING! i’ve never see that before! HEY GUYS! COME CHECK OUT THE GUY IN ROOM FOUR!”


we are not related

as a result of this cheery analysis, i started getting allergy shots. i had so many allergens that they cant mix it in a single serum, so i get two needles every visit, one in each arm. at first, you’re supposed to go in every few days, getting progressively higher dosages of allergen until you reach a maintenance level. after that you only have to go once every 4 weeks. i am now at the mainenance level. when i was working up in everett, the NW asthma and allergy clinic was right nearby and getting there was a snap. i’d head over there before going home, engage the german MA in a bit of conversation auf deutsch, chat up the receptionists (who were the first people to see danielle’s diamond), get stuck with a couple of needles and head out about a half an hour later. now, of course, i have to drive all the friggin way through the city on crowded I-5 and then through that giant parking lot otherwise known as the university district to get to the seattle clinic, all for the priviledge of getting shot with stuff that will make my triceps swell and itch for a few days.


the shot is spinach and i am popeye! or is it steroids? ja! i vill crush zeez economic girly men! (ignore the farmers tan)

the only reason i look forward to this ordeal each month (besides that i look like i’ve been doing unhealthy amounts of tricep extensions) is that i get to treat myself to a bubble tea since i’m over there.

you all know where i stand on bubble tea. it’s the greatest beverage on the face of the planet right now. all the rage with the kiddies. amazingly enough, SexyArmo took me up on the challenge and made the huge mistake of hitting a bubble tea place at paradise valley mall in phx to try the stuff out.


looks nice enough

i say mistake, because how can the population of the east valley possibly be counted on to direct a 1st time bubble tea drinker to the appropriate options. george went with the straight passion fruit over ice with bubbles (boba, or tapioca pearls).


all set for the experience of a lifetime. looks like he hit the bong before hand in preparation.

now ya see that? see that there? it’s clear! that’s mistake number 2. you MUST GET MILK TEA! or if u’re a pantywaisted, liberal, tree-hugging pinko like myself, you get it with soy.


oops! conservative in politics, conservative on tasty beverages as well. ; )

he and i have discussed this since he sent me the photos and he’s ready to give it another shot. but never-the-less, i feel that i need to counter with an instructional triptych of photos, demonstrating the correct selection and consumption of bubble tea.


all set for the experience of a lifetime… again…

ok, here we have the lovely danielle, modeling her current flavor of choice: a green tea milk tea with soy and boba. notice the distinctive opaqueness. the only time you should steer away from opaqueness is in the event that you get a citrus flavor tea like lemon, orange or even plum. this will just curdle the milk, giving you a much less enjoyable experience. after all, the boba is chewy enough. no need for denatured milk proteins add additional texture.


mmmmmmmm

i just like this photo. what can i say?


now that’s some good bubble tea (she’s rubbing her stomach with contentment)

and here, i must once again draw a comparison here between george’s photo and danielle’s. if you scroll back up, you’ll notice mistake number 3 was throwing away the glass with tea still in it. here we see that danielle has finished hers and look at that contented face! so now he and i have an agreement. he’s gonna come to seattle someday and i’ll take him out for the GOOD bubble tea. until then, i’ll look fwd to my monthly visits to allergy clinic.

Posted by sand at 07:41:07 | Permalink | Comments (11)

Friday, May 27, 2005

opiate of the masses part 2

my little brother got published again.

www.opiummagazine.com


i still maintain he’s the biggest jew since goldberg.  or possibly jeff goldblume — case made me change this picture –

i had no idea, but apparently he’s more or less abandoned his livejournal account and has his own site now called mrcasemiller.com.  i’m not sure who’s hosting it, but they have a nifty rotating image applet on the entry page that must cycle every 2 or 3 minutes.

on his site he has a list of some of the other things he’s had published.


www.eyeshot.net/casefashion.html
 www.eyeshot.net/ponies.html

theshoremag.com/07_hurricane.html



i highly recommend that you all read the ponies one at eyeshot.  that’s my favorite.

Posted by sand at 07:57:37 | Permalink | Comments (8)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

sucker

i’m the kinda guy who buys girl scout cookies from every kid that i see at the supermarket, just because they ask me.  danielle swears that the local kids have our house marked because i’m willing to spend $8 for a $0.50 box of cherry sours and will whip out the wallet for any little extortionist that shows up on our doorstep.  i can polish off a box of samoas in less than 20 minutes if left to my own devices.


guess samoa wasn’t PC anymore

along the same lines, i just donated to these guys

which is a local radio station run (i understand) by high school kids as some kind of continuing school program.  i think there may be a few grown pros on some of the shows, but u can definitely tell there’s kids, and often ESL kids, working there because, beside DJing, they get to do the news.  it’s pretty entertaining listening to them sometimes.  u get a mixture of whitty banter and REALLY bad sight reading from the news blotter.  ever since i turned on the radio in the car the other day and heard that the local KROQ derivative got their programming changed to some garbage called JACK, this is about the only station i listen to in the car besides KUOW.

at any rate, i was seriously tempted to donate at this level.


“fifty million dallahs?  who the hell u think u kidnapped, chelsea clinton?”
 – chris tucker.

i mean, what could be more fulfilling for a grandstanding, recognition-starved, ego-driven attention-grabber like me than to sit on the opposite side of the mic from my “favorite 8 to midnight jock” and make clever comments about a genre of music i’ve been more or less divorced from since my sophomore year in college?  they have an industrial show sunday nights tho.  that woulda been cool.

gotta save that money for the FC.  oh and the house.  can’t forget about the house.  still, they got over $90 out of me.  which, considering they’re playing remixed top 40 right now, is hella more than they deserve.  cant get hard house and techno all the time i guess.

Posted by sand at 04:15:50 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Monday, May 16, 2005

opiate of the masses. literally.

i added a new link under amigos on the sidebar.  it’s for alex’s image blog.  he’s also the one who i linked to earlier in this post.

he recently posted a return link to something he wrote while traveling in mexico that i think is friggin hillarious.  its about how the mayans in chiapas melded the old shamanic religions with catholicism and eventually coca-cola.  but i wont ruin the story.  check it out.

i wonder what they would think about perrier?

Posted by sand at 00:21:39 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

local seattlite

somebody buy me this!  mom?

C&H

Posted by sand at 18:53:26 | Permalink | Comments (1) »

Thursday, April 21, 2005

brotherly love

wow, i guess all sending out all those emails to ppl has finally taken its toll and sapped the bandwidth over the max 250MB i get with the free account.  i actually tried to pay the $2 for the ad-free 1GB service, but friggin blog.com doesn’t take mastercard…

so, talking with case tonight, i bummed his visa number off him.  by the time this is readable, it should have cleared.  of course, it’s his debit card, since he doesn’t have any credit cards.  i’d be worried about the possibility of identity theft, but since he’s only got about $300 to his name and no credit, there’s not much in the way of profit to be made there =)


here ya go.  2 bucks.

thx lil brother.  i owe u $2!

Posted by sand at 07:38:16 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Saturday, December 18, 2004

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

60 yrs old and still beautiful! =D
Posted by sand at 08:39:32 | Permalink | Comments (1) »